Confident: In Who I Am

I went to a coffee shop today. There are a number of people who frequent this coffee shop (Mocha Joe's) that like to play chess. I met up with one of them. He sat down at my table and we talked a little about how frequently we had been playing. In explaining that I had not been playing a whole lot, I told him that I had been writing quite a bit lately. I told him that I had a blog. He asked what the topic of the blog was and I said mental health and recovery.

In times past I have been embarrassed to tell people that I have a mental illness. I did not go out and say to my chess buddy that I suffered from schizophrenia, but I am pretty sure he got it. Later that day I participated in a support group. I announced what I had done to the group.

The topic of the group was what recovery means to us. We went over quotes of what others said recovery was to them. We also added our own. I said "recovery is gaining confidence in who I am." I feel like I have not been confident enough in who I was to share that I have a mental illness in times past. Today I felt differently and am proud I took that step.

Electric Bikes

Electric Bikes = Mental and Physical Balance

Bicycles have been around for a very long time, since the beginning of the 1800's. A lot has happened since then. Our innovative spirit has transformed the bicycle into an efficient mode of transportation for the commuter and for those seeking recreation on the paved pathways and single track connecting our world. Electric bikes are the apex of this innovation. The technology of an electric motor makes a your 20 mile e bike commute an effortless adventure. The fact that one can hop on their electric bike and go anywhere makes them a great alternative to a car that is healthy for you and for the planet - so join the electric bike revolution and improve your health!

Electric Bikes = Physical Health

Electric bicycles are an ideal choice for the individual who chooses to keep themselves healthy in mind and body. By choosing to ride an electric bike instead of a car for your daily commute for a trip to the store, or even just for exercise, you not only better the planet but yourself. While riding your heart rate goes up and your blood starts pumping throughout your body. This is not only healthy for your body but invigorating. Imagine rolling up to your office with a workout already under your belt. The health benefits are clear, calories are burned, muscles are strengthened, joints are worked, ligaments are loosened, heart and lungs are improved, balance is enhanced, stamina and endurance are increased. By riding an electric bike, but your body will be strengthened and galvanized

 

Electric Bikes = Mental Health

Your body is rejuvenated during and after a bike ride, your brain is full of oxygenated blood and clear for the rest of the day, and above all else, your mind is at peace. Your attention is enhanced and your perception is clear after a ride when you step off your electric bike. Scientific studies have proven that stress levels are reduced from cycling. Compare the use of an electric bicycle to driving a car to get around. On a bike, one can pass seamlessly through traffic jams or take a path meant for bikes and pedestrians where cars and their exhaust is no where in site. The wind blows through your hair, and the fresh breeze combined with your increased heart rate ignite your energy centers and revitalize your overall state of well being.

Electric bikes are win win. They are an excellent alternative to commuting with a car, and provide awesome health benefits. Not all bike shops carry electric bikes so it is in your best interest to research all the different electric bike options available online first. By choosing to ride an electric bike, you are positively electing to improve your healthy lifestyle and balance of mind.

Rich Coffman is a writer for Small Planet Electric Bikes which is a local electric bicycle shop on the front range of Colorado that offers electric bikes for sale online. He not only is eco-conscious but can also be seen riding his own Electric Bike around town.

BIO LINKS:

Small Planet Electric Bikes: http://www.smallplanetevehicles.com/

electric bikes for sale online: http://www.smallplanetevehicles.com/electric-bikes

Own Your Recovery

I was going to write an article about how the mental health system is flawed. In this article I was going to mention how much mental illness is not being treated in this country. I intended to put forth my experiences with being moved through hospitals after being admitted, seemingly to keep bed space open. I wrote a rough draft of this article in my note book and let it sit for a while.

In time I decided that instead of pointing my finger at the system, I needed to write about how important it is to be in the driver's seat of your own recovery. You will not get anyone to make the changes in your life for you. Outside supports such as loved ones and psychiatrists can not determine the way your life is going. They can assist your recovery by prescribing meds and listening to you on a bad day. You will in the end get no more out of your recovery than you put into it.

The mental health system is flawed. There are too few beds available in hospitals and not enough out patient treatment offered. I could complain until the cows came home about how I have been wrongfully treated for my mental illness. This could serve to motivate you to try that much harder. You should also know that you can be that much prouder of your own experience with mental illness, as it is so hard. It is admirable to take on such a challenge; especially when the circumstances under which you have taken on this task are less than ideal.

Transition to Independence

I am in a time of transition. I will be leaving Meadowview Recovery Residence (the group home that I currently live in.) I will be leaving to go to a shared apartment in town. This transition will likely happen in less than 2 months. I am a little nervous about the move.

It was a couple of months ago when the idea of my leaving Meadowview first came up. I was uncomfortable with the idea at first. I experienced a lot of anxiety and told the staff that I didn't feel ready to move. They were accepting of my hesitance. However in talking about my issues as well as just sitting with them, I slowly became more comfortable. I reconsidered the idea.

I am still a little nervous about this change. I know that I will have very little money. I have had times in the past that I have had trouble with budgeting money. The money isn't the only issue. I will also have to remain active, both socially and physically. I spend time with people I live with, Meadowview is a supportive environment. In my new surroundings I will have to make a point to spend time with friends I have and make new friends.

Brattleboro (where I live) is a small city. There is a chess community for me to engage with. There are also community meals as well as a food shelf.. There is also a library; I will do a lot of reading and writing there. Brattleboro has a community center where chess club is held. I am enrolled in a soccer league that is held there as well. I will make it a point to make the most of what Brattleboro has to offer.

This next step in my recovery is a big one. I hope it is the first of a series of steps I take towards a bright future. I am certain I will grow and learn from this experience. It could be very positive and I look forward to sharing of my experiences with all of you, in Breathe.

Writing: Not Just For Myself

A couple of days ago I began questioning my writing process. I considered discontinuing writing for the blog entirely. I really like blogging and do not want to give it up. I have written fact based articles and also personal stories in Breathe. I feel like I have shared quite a bit of both what I know and who I am at this point. I have written over 60 articles after all.

I now believe that reflecting on my day to day experiences in recovery will give the reader an inkling of how human I am. As opposed to the personal stories I've shared so far that have been intended to inspire my readers. I think sharing these day to day experiences will allow the reader to be able to identify with the content of Breathe. I hope that this will be mutually beneficial both to me and my audience.

Memory of an Autumn Past

Today, as you may have noticed, is October 1st. Autumn is now in full swing. Here in Vermont autumn is one of the most beautiful times or the year. The hill sides are brightly colored with the changing leaves. The yellows and reds are truly wonderful.

I did a bicycle tour of the southern half of Lake Champlain two autumns ago. Originally I was going to do a tour of the entire lake; I got sick just before my intended time for departure. As a result I shortened the ride and left a week later than I wanted to. The ride would take three days and cover 230 miles.

I left home early in the morning to begin the ride. I headed for Burlington where I could catch a ferry to take me to the New York side of the lake. I remember being quite cold during the ferry ride to New York. I had made arrangements to stay at a motel in Port Henry, New York that night. The owner said that they would be heading home after 5 p.m. so I had to get truckin. The ride to Port Henry was 70 miles. Along the way to Port Henry I enjoyed beautiful weather and a grand autumn landscape. I remember passing by Ausable Chasm but did not have time to stop and take it in.

I got into Port Henry just in time. There is an incredibly steep hill leading into town. I was really impressed with how my bike handled it. Especially considering how much luggage I was carrying. The motel was just outside of town. I got there and an older woman greeted me from behind a bar. She was a little surprised to see me and said she didn't think I would get there in time.

I paid for my room and got a pizza to eat that night. I spent most of the night smoking cigarettes. The room was cozy and had a television in it. I did walk into town that night to see if there was any night life. There wasn't. I don't know why I didn't ride my bike into town. I slept well that night.

The next morning I headed out on the second leg of my ride. It would be a 60+ mile day that would take me around the southern tip of Lake Champlain. My destination on that route was my former group home in Castleton. The ride that day was not quite as glorious as the day prior. I followed main roads for the majority of the day. Nevertheless, it was another day of great weather and I made the most of what I had.

When I arrived in Castleton I felt great. It was good to see all the guys I had lived with for 2 1/2 years. At the time I was handling my symptoms of schizophrenia very well and was proud to make a triumphant return. The guys gave me a warm welcome. I spent the night at the home that night. The next morning would be the start of the final leg of my tour.

That last day was probably the most enjoyable of the three. I was on dirt roads much of the way. The views of the lake were truly remarkable. I was running low on money so I only put in 100 miles. This got me all the way back to Burlington where I got picked up. It was getting too dark and I was too tired to keep riding. I rode 230 miles in 3 days and had smoked a pack a day while I did it. Good times.

Lost In A Haze

I have in my life been seriously delusional. Delusion can be a tricky thing to decipher. The lines between what is and isn't real are not clear. Delusion can not only be intricate and extensive, tainting the memories you hold, it can also become interwoven in your true reality.

In 2002 I began studying strategy. This is because I had delusions at the time that I had been a great warrior. I believed, as many schizophrenics do, that I was a person of great importance. I thought that in my past I had fought in 15 wars and 67 battles. All but one of these wars were turf wars I fought with the occult. I believed that when I was between the ages of 19 and 21 that people tried to make Vermont a gang land. I by myself stopped them from doing so. I also believed I could maneuver into position to maintain Vermont's security in the future. I could do this by reinforcing my worldly learning from books.

This last statement I made is an important one. The fact that I started acting on false beliefs causes the lines between what is real and what is delusion to be confused. I am not sure to this day if I only acted on delusion by studying strategy, or if much of the action I took when I was younger was based on delusion.

I do not know where the lines between my true reality and my delusion are drawn. This is not only because I have acted on delusion. It is also because the delusional thoughts are not bound or restricted to beliefs that I was a warrior. They permeate throughout my entire existence. There are delusions I have of things I did as a skier. Some of my delusions are of the minutest details of my life. A delusion could be of something as insignificant as a person you met or a conversation you had. All of this makes me very distrustful of my memory and led to denial for a long time.