One sign that suggests that I am not at my best is
isolation. I have isolated away from friends and the world in general more than
once. It has been a precursor to crises. Isolation can only exacerbate issues that
you are dealing with in your recovery. In this article I will explain the
circumstances that led to my isolation.
My first instance of isolation was when I was 22. I stopped
working and socializing. I was delusional and thought it was my destiny to
spend the rest of my life in prison. I was trying to do two things by
isolating. One of these two things was biding time until I had to get myself
incarcerated. The other of the two things I was doing was to purposefully make
myself lonely and depressed. I was not thrilled about having to spend the rest of
my life in prison to fulfill my destiny. I thought if I made myself lonely and
depressed I would be less reluctant to get myself put in jail. I was very
motivated to fulfill my destiny of rotting in jail because I thought people
would eventually torture me if I failed to live my life this way.
Now I am actively involved in my community. I will make an
effort to be sure I do not isolate in the future. Human contact is food for the
soul; it is essential to living a fulfilling life. I believe the area where I
live is a good fit for me. It is not too big, but it has a diverse community as
well. I have chess friends within the community. There are also fitness clubs
here that I take advantage of. I am now going to community meals- this is great
for my money situation, but I meet new people at these meals too. I also see
old friends at the meals; it gives us a chance to connect regularly.
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