I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. There was a time when
the delusions and paranoia I experienced led me to attempt suicide. I thought
that people would torture me and I had no way out but to kill myself. I believe
there are cases of others like me. There are others who see no rational
solution to their problems but suicide.
If you can imagine being in my shoes, try. It's easy to
understand why I attempted to take my own life. I was delusional and thought I
had problems that wouldn't be solved by talking to someone. Fortunately I
wasn't successful in my suicide attempt. I tried killing myself by slitting my
wrist. I still have scars where I cut myself. The cuts were not deep enough to
cause much bleeding even still. Later that day I tied a noose in my parent's
garage. I planned to hang myself late that night. My father found the noose
that I tried to conceal. He asked me if I would let him take me to the
hospital. I said that I would.
I have come a long way in the 5 years since that suicide
attempt. I am very glad my father was there when he needed to be. The journey
to recovery that I have traveled in that time was difficult. It was not a
straight line from point A to point B. It has had many ups and downs. The
experience of crossing that distance is all the more valuable because it took
so much effort.
Suicide is an unfortunate outcome to too many cases of
mental illness. I have read that 90% of deaths from suicide are committed by
someone with a mental disorder. These disorders do include drug or alcohol abuse
disorders. The fact is that if someone you know suffers from mental illness,
they could be at risk. If you ever consider suicide talk openly about it to
someone, even if you don't think they could help.
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