Live With Purpose

I once enjoyed riding chairlifts more than anything else in the world. I can remember times that I cried tears of joy on a chairlift. I was riding to the top of a mountain during a sunrise or sunset. The beauty of the landscape struck me in a way that I was overwhelmed with joy.
I was at that time in my life content to be a skier. I spent most of my days on ski mountains. I wanted to live out my life very simply enjoying the mountain environment and sliding on snow. My purpose was just to enjoy life.
Times in my life became more complicated after the on-set of schizophrenia. My skiing career was derailed. I suffered from delusion and paranoia for a long time. This suffering shaped me into a new person. I came out of this dark phase of my life with a new purpose.
It took years of dealing with schizophrenia before this shift occured. I was for a while more or less in limbo. I was trying to resume a meaningful life after being diagnosed with a major mental illness. I didn't still live according to my heart, as I once had. I tried instead to measure up to what I perceived expectations of me were.
I had lost something inside me to my illness. The belief I once had in myself was gone. This belief that I had when I was young fueled a life of purpose. It was a meaningful life. It was my life. This phase in my recovery lingered until dealing with schizophrenia hit me harder than I ever expected it would.
It was from my darkest moment that in a way I was reborn. My life again has purpose. It is not the same purpose as it once was. I'm hardly the same person as I was then. My current purpose is to use my voice to mentor others in recovery. It is in this purpose I find joy.
It is not what we believe others expect of us that is important. We instead need to learn and understand ourselves, our hearts and our experiences. We need to have answered these questions to live an inspired life with purpose. The answers to these questions can only be found within ourselves.