Not In My Right Mind

My life has been profoundly effected by schizophrenia. I believe that I started experiencing symptoms in my late teens. This is common among males. I was able to function well through to my early 20's. I had some difficulties with keeping work. I was however successful in my skiing career. I am unclear now as to how much responsibility I should take for decisions I made as a young adult and how they adversely effect me now.
I feel like I sabotaged my life late in my adolescence. I had run ins with the law and showed no interest in school. I sometimes wonder as to how much of the difficulty I am currently experiencing is due to my illness. It instead could be at least partially due to the amount of irresponsibility I demonstrated when I was younger. 
The lines between my illness and my own mistakes are not clear to me. I believe that they are not entirely separate. The end result is still the same regardless of whether I am at fault for my failures and shortcomings. The illness had some effect on me as an adolescent. I am still responsible for myself, although, this responsibility seems to be buffered by the fact that I am ill.
I am in part disheartened by the fact that this buffer of responsibility exists. I would like to know that I always understood what I was doing. I did not however always know what I was doing and I haven't always been in my right mind. It is difficult to accept this. This "buffer" gives me an alien feeling of not being whole. I feel as if I am almost less of a person. I want instead to live with the regret of making the mistakes I have. Instead of just passing blame onto an illness.