Struggles and Schizophrenia

I am someone who is dealing with schizophrenia. It is in remission now but I have had many struggles with this illness in my lifetime. It's hard to say exactly when I started experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. I was diagnosed at the age of 27, after a suicide attempt. It is more likely that I first became ill in my teens.

I had my first encounter with the law when I was 17. I was driving under the influence of alcohol. I ran a red light at an intersection and was pursued by a police officer. I ran red lights on a regular basis at that time in my life. I had stolen goods in my car. I had stolen stereo equipment from a person's apartment earlier that night. The police officer who pursued me eventually detained and charged me. I was charged that night and awaited to be seen in court that weekend in jail.

I was lucky, the charges I faced were consolidated and as it was my first time in the court system I was given the opportunity to go through court diversion. Court diversion is for young people facing their first criminal charges. If you do what you are asked to do in court diversion you will eventually have no charges on your record. I had to do some community service and take a course for drunk drivers. Unfortunately I hardly learned my lesson.

I had future encounters with the law. I have spent some time in jail. One time in particular I was plagued by paranoia. I thought in order to be safe I would have to go to jail. I assaulted a police officer and did 4 months for it. I got out of jail and still believed that people would harm me if I didn't do something about it. This led to my suicide attempt at the age of 27 I mentioned earlier. I went to the hospital after my attempt was and diagnosed with schizophrenia. I left the hospital not feeling any better.

I went from the hospital to a group home. This group home provided an environment in which my feelings of paranoia subsided. I appeared to all parties but myself to be doing well. I knew that the symptoms of my illness were just below the surface. I have said in another article in this blog that delusion makes you feel as if you are alone. The consequences of this feeling of being alone in my case were that I did not share of my paranoid beliefs. I felt that only I could understand my own circumstances. I left the group home after having been there for 2 1/2 years, still delusional but not quite as paranoid. Eventually the paranoia caught up to me again I felt I was not safe. I again got myself put in jail.

I can now look back on all of this and feel as if it has made me into a stronger individual to have struggled this much. I regret things I have done. I have also managed to overcome my illness. I now know that no one is going to harm me. I do not suffer from delusion and I hope that I can help others that have had are struggling similarly to how I did.  I feel that life has been unfair to me but at the same time I would not wish to have an easy life. I have always revered those who had major struggles and were able to make great contributions to our society. It is my belief that I can come out of my struggles better than I was when they laid ahead of me. I will attempt to use my experiences to make a greater contribution to society than I would be capable of otherwise.